Ideally you're supposed to combine all those acrobatics into awesome, John Woo-style kills, but the aiming is so imprecise and alien that the only effective strategy I found was to slow down time and methodically dispatch the enemies in my way one by one. They have such an unpleasant sensation that you literally feel like you're breaking the game. It has all the trappings of a cast-off PC port: the tutorial asks me to press the "fire" button, I guess because they couldn't be bothered to write in the keystroke replacement. From what I understand, the version on Steam is a mirror image of the PC copy that was originally released back in 2004. I spent $4.95 for the privilege of playing Drake of the 99 Dragons in 2018. Instead, it was left to rot in the forbidden corners of Majesco's coffers. Drake was plenty turgid and stupid, sure, but it didn't fail in spectacular enough fashion to canonize its legend. You know what I'm talking about: Big Rigs, E.T., even the relatively recent Ride To Hell: Retribution, with its once-in-a-lifetime fully clothed sex scenes. Those abysmal scores earned Drake of the 99 Dragons an ignoble reputation, but as a whole, I don't know if it quite stacks up to the comical reverence pressed upon the really bad games. Drake intends to be a stylish, soapy corridor shooter starring a trenchcoat-draped assassin branded with a Slipknot-tier magical skull tattoo on his pallid chest.
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